You've heard about mindfulness. Maybe some of your friends told you how they've benefited from a mindfulness practice. (A lot of research has been done on mindfulness in the past 50 years and studies have shown impressive health benefits attached to its regular practice.)
You're looking for ways to manage your thoughts and emotions because you feel off-balance. Maybe you're too stressed out, worried, depressed or angry.
I was introduced to mindfulness over 10 years ago. As I was going through a difficult transition in my life, I found a lot of comfort in the writings of Eckhart Tolle.
I would go for a run and listen to his soothing uber-calm voice going over 100 different ways to be more present in my life and why it was so important. I absorbed his words as if I were drinking from a chocolate fountain (minus the indigestion).
Eckhart Tolle offers a lot of practical ideas to be in the present moment, aka being mindful. Throughout the years, I've explored a variety of other ways as well, through meditation, yoga, therapy and more mundane things like focusing on doing the dishes instead of thinking of my to-do list.
Meditation is certainly one of the more challenging ways, and also one of the more rewarding when it comes to health benefits (more on that in a coming post).
Maybe, you're curious about mindfulness but it may seem a little intimidating. So how can you start dipping your toes in the mindfulness pool?
Here are three quick and simple practices you can develop that will help you have more awareness about yourself and be in the present moment.
1- Write on several Post-It notes: "Stop and Breathe".
2- Take a moment in the day to check in with yourself.
3- Pay attention to what you're doing: focus on your senses.
1- Write on several Post-It notes: "Stop and Breathe".
Place them in different areas in your house, car and office. In your bathroom, your drawers, on your front door, your steering wheel, by your keys... take a moment when you see them to pause and take a breath.
This practice forces you to slow down even for a few seconds, and by contrast helps you notice the state you were in the second before (stressed, rushed, exhausted, excited, content...). And taking a breath consciously, can only happen by being in the present.
You'll probably notice that soon your mind will skip the reminder as the novelty fades. That's normal. See if you can integrate some of these breathing breaks in your daily life without the Post-its.
They're especially helpful during transition points such as leaving your house in the morning, before turning the ignition in the car, before getting out of the car to go to your office or take the kids to school, before coming home at the end of the day... You get the point.
2- Take a moment in the day to check in with yourself.
Ask yourself "what am I feeling now?" If this practice feels foreign, scary or you feel like you don't feel anything, that's OK. Some days that may just be your answer.
You're not supposed to feel anything in particular, the goal of this exercise is to practice paying attention inward and building the muscle so it becomes stronger. You can start simple: am I feeling happy, sad, angry, disgusted, hurt, content, anxious...?
Why does it matter to know what you're feeling?
Scientific studies have shown that consciously recognizing emotions reduced their impact. Naming an emotion helps you frame it and separate it from being “you.” And it can reduce the emotional component and help you relax.
After you check in, don't go into the story of how stressed, angry, sad, tired you are, all the whys, the blaming or any other narrative your mind wants you to believe. Basically, don't judge yourself.
And if the story around how you're feeling comes anyway, acknowledge it by just saying something like,"here comes the story" as if you're a sportscaster of your own mind.
Take another breath and try to move on.
3- Pay attention to what you're doing: focus on your senses.
There are so many ways to approach this practice. You can choose to practice while in the shower, going up the stairs, running, or while doing any other daily activity.
I like the one based on mindful eating, well, simply because I love savoring good food.
When you are eating, notice the color, texture and taste of the food. Imagine your experience is filtered through a slow-motion machine that allows you to notice every detail, every nuance of your experience.
Before taking you first bite of food at a meal, notice the food on your plate, the colors, shapes as if you're seeing food for the first time; smell your food, notice the texture. Taste will be the last thing on the list.
As you're about to take that first bite in your mouth, try to slow down the process even more. Notice if/when you start salivating, notice the sensation when the food touches your tongue and taste buds, notice the sensation of chewing.
This experiment will give you an idea of how little we pay attention to our present experience: the faster we go and the busier our minds are, the more we miss.
Obviously, it's unrealistic to ask you to spend 5 minutes per bite of food you eat during your lunch break on a daily basis.
And if you have young children, you're probably lucky if you're able to eat a meal seating, and even luckier if you can taste the sandwich you ate in three bites while doing the dishes. In that case, narrow down the practice to maybe just smelling the food you're going to eat, or noticing the colors on your plate.
Anything that makes you pause and notice.
If you use one element of that practice regularly, by tuning into only one of your senses, it will be progress. I'm a proponent of small changes that are sustainable. And if you're interested in taking it further, you may want to consider a meditation practice.
Here are a few other ways to be more mindful:
You can download a free guided meditation with basic instructions to get started.
The benefits of controlled breathing: Breathe. Exhale. Repeat: The Benefits of Controlled Breathing (NY Times)
Another practice focusing on your senses: How to Be Mindful Doing the Dishes (NY Times)
About the author: Valerie Abitbol, LMFT, owner of Flow Counseling, PLLC is a counselor and therapist in Denver, Colorado. She specializes in helping her clients decrease stress and anxiety and process grief and trauma in order to create a peaceful and balanced life. Valerie provides counseling to adults and couples to help them heal, succeed, and grow happiness.